Answering Machines Bring out the Masochist in Me

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.


Here's what happened.
So I'm calling a nameless friend of mine, who does not answer his/her phone. (probably because they had something REALLY important going on.) After about 5 rings, the call shifts to voicemail, which goes something like this.
"Hi you've reached _____, I'm not here to get the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you. Bye!"
This may or may not have been how it actually went, but since it is my post, I will say whatever I want too.
Anyways.
After the message, comes the automated instructed giver, whose dialogue goes something to the extent of "To leave a call back number, press 1. To go directly to voicemail, press 5 now. When you are finished recording hang up, or press 3 for more options" *Beep!*
Ok. I get it. I've been leaving messages since cell phones weighed 8 pounds. I don't need you or anyone else telling me how to do it.
"Oh, you want me to leave my name AND number? What kind of a renegade asks for both?!"
Everyone has that message on their phone, and everyone listens to that message, and everyone leaves that message. That's because, frankly, everyone sucks.

Unless you have something special that you want to know about me, and you feel the need to ask it in your answering machine, cut the crap and save about 19 seconds of my life listening to your stupid, boring message.
Like:
"hey, you've reached Jorma, leave me your name, number, and percentage of body fat, and I might get back to you. Word"
Or even something like:
"I don't suck"
Because you know what, that works for me. That will ease the pain of listening to the automated voice mailbox woman drone on for minutes about what buttons to press if I want to leave my number, how to access the options menu after I finish my message, and how to make toast.
Seriously people, I can't believe we allow ourselves to be patronized like this.
I henceforth, promise that if I ever run across the aforementioned automated woman, there will be a good, old-fashioned American lynching.
I also promise, that I do in fact know how to leave a message, I am not handicapped, and the next person to assume so by detailing how I should leave a message on their phone, will be stabbed repeatedly.