NATE.: August 2006

If murder was legal, these are the people I would kill.

Now that I am a student at the University of Arizona, a few things about my life have changed.
1) I'm now much smarter and much more trendy then you will ever be.
2) I realize that when some people signed up for class, they thought it was so that they could stuff their politically loaded pseudo-intellectual opinions down my throat, through an entity known as "discussion group"
This, plus Kyle wade, have spurred me to make a list of people that should purged from the gene pool, or at least be spayed or neutered.
However, as this is list of people in general to kill, and not just people in my "Justice and Virtue" class, I'll start with someone that makes homicide seem like a legitimate option:

Carrot Top: Not that I have to explain this one as everyone hates him, some people more then others. For instance, every time I saw carrot top on TV doing a Call-ATT commercial, I had to leave the room and seek forgiveness. Every time I saw carrot top on a billboard, movie poster, or any other advertisement, I cut myself to atone for his blasphemy and other disregard for humanity, and if I ever see carrot top in real life, I vow to punch a baby in the face.

Paul Wall: Shut up, no one cares about your candy painted car, or your icy grillz. You're white, you don't have a gun, a clique, or any friends.

Dick Vitale: I don't have a lot against Duke. I mean, I wouldn't put their players on here (except maybe JJ Redick) but Dick Vitale is a D-bag connoisseur. An ass ranger, if you will. I'd like to kill him by blasting him into pieces with the Illinois fight song.

Keanu Reeves: Is he Asian? Is he not? Somebody please make up his mind for him! Until then, he's on the list.

K-Fed: One of the most unrealistic doofy assholes ever. I'd like to see him die giving birth.

Bob Saget: Just kidding

Larry the Cable Guy: Sucks. Don't see his movie. If it were up to me, I'd have him raped by a blue whale.

The kid in my Justice and Virtue class who thinks he's smart.

Everyone else in my Justice and Virtue class.

The Justice and Virtue TA.

Hillary Clinton: Killed with spoons

Ted Levine: Not funny, not Steve Carrell, and probably likes boys.

My Spanish IV teacher in high school: Killed by ingesting whiteboard cleaner.

Tom Cruise and Michael Moore: Yea, I might be jumping on the bandwagon here, but that's what I do. Succumb to peer pressure

R Kelly: Did somebody say statuatory rape? I think it would be best if Mr. Kelly had to endure the rest of his days a personal assistant to Michael Jackson. And by personal assistant, I mean love slave.

Sam Cassell: Looks like E.T. and should be blasted with laser guns.

Kobe Bryant: NBA D-bag award. Death By clothesline.

Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie/Lindsay Lohan/Ashlee Simpson: I think that these are all probably the same one person, we just cant tell because of their HUGE FREAKING GLASSES! Even if there is more then one of these pop culture princesses, they still all represent the exact same thing, and have followed nearly the same path towards becoming candy for People Magazine's Gossip Column, and the occasional "look what she did now" story. If I had my way, she (or they..) would be force fed refried beans and vienna sausages until they erupt and cause a blissful downpour of fiber and stupidity.

Jimmy Fallon: Should be forced to take lessons in comedy from Margaret Cho, and acting lessons from Keanu Reeves. Then should be repeatedly hit with a tire iron.

6th Graders: I hate all of them.

Hippies: Shower to death.

Fraternities: I just want to go to class, quit trying to hand me fliers. I'm too old, I'm too awesome, and I have too much hair to even pay attention to you. Everyone in a frat should die from loneliness.

People who are left handed: Gross.

Patrick Sauncy: Obviously

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